at least i don't have cancer

"I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet." - Persian proverb

Years ago, I remember having a conversation with a friend at work about gratitude. We talked about this whole idea of "comparative thankfulness." We all do it, right? I may hate my job but at least I HAVE a job. I may need to lose a few pounds but at least I'm not "morbidly obese." I may be divorced but at least I have my children. And so on.... 

Comparing ourselves to others eventually breaks down if you play it out to the end. There's everything right about being thankful for the many things we take for granted each day, especially in a world where we gaze with envy at the guy on our right who seems to have all those things we know should be ours, if life was really fair. (How fitting is it that emerald green is Pantone's official color of 2013?) But back to that poor guy who has no feet. What about HIM?

Picture, if you will, a long line of people standing shoulder to shoulder with each person voicing gratitude for something the person next to them is lacking. What happens, when we reach the end of that line, to the guy who's living out all of our worst case scenarios? "I got nothin'" is all that's left to say as he turns to empty space to the left.

I doubt we often think of it this way. But I do. I've been privileged to know a few of those so-called "end-of-the liners." I've wondered how it must feel to know it's YOUR name inserted into someone's "at least I'm not -----" declaration of gratitude.

I realize I can't solve the mystery of human suffering in one silly little blog post. If you know me, you're well aware I'm not that smart. Truth be told, I desire a life of health, wealth and happiness. I want to die peacefully in my sleep at the ripe old age of 95 (still having all my faculties intact), with my loving husband and many adoring friends at my side. Seriously. Who, in their right mind, would ASK to suffer?

But here is what I have observed: In my own times of hardship and in the lives of many I know who have experienced much greater suffering than I could even imagine, I am driven to a keen awareness of need and a complete dependence on the One who is much greater than I am. I HAVE no bootstraps. All I have is need. And all I need, is need. And in the midst of that, it is He who gives us a most special and mysterious promised measure of grace that we cannot otherwise know. Even in the presence of tremendous pain and suffering, there is a type of joy that is clearly not of this world and cannot be mustered up in our own strength because, remember, there IS no strength when you have nothing. 

So it leaves me to wonder if the "end-of-the-liners" may at some level be pointing back at the people to the right with the same sadness and pity that was directed at them, wondering if they will ever know how it feels to have the one thing that may, indeed, be the key to the truest type of joy which comes wrapped as the gift of suffering. 

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. - Isaiah 55:8-10

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I post this as a tribute to Katie Beth Craig, daughter of my dear longtime friends, Lisa and Jay. Twenty five years ago on this day, we celebrated her arrival. 

Severe cerebral palsy caused you to suffer greatly for the 15 years that you were with us but you leave a legacy of joy that will not be forgotten by all who were privileged to know you. We miss your bright smiles and we long for the day we will see you again. We will dance and we will sing together for a very long time. And, at last, all will be right.