open and closure.

 

My mama died 10 days ago. It was no surprise, really, as I've been losing pieces of her for years to Alzheimer's, the disease appropriately dubbed "the long goodbye." She lived here with us on this side of Providence for some 12 years until we could no longer care for her adequately. And without losing our own minds in the process.When we knew her passing was imminent we realized very quickly that, even with this cognitive awareness, there really is no way to be completely prepared emotionally when the time comes. We are very sad for our loss.

About a year ago I decided it was time for us to leave this house. After she moved out and we completed our beautiful remodel project, the darn thing just seemed too big. There are too many rooms and, quite honestly, I felt it had served out it's purpose to our family. Alongside the 15+ years of magical moments there lived painful memories of near nervous breakdown months and years, where I struggled to cope with my role of daughter-as-caregiver, sometimes feeling like a prisoner in my own home.

So I am letting go. The door to this home that was literally opened to us almost 16 years ago will close on the day that someone else chooses to call it their own. We will cross Providence to begin a new chapter in our brand new modern abode. Lucille loved all things new. New cars and new houses always made her happy. She didn't need fancy, but she really liked new. I can picture her reading this blog post from HER new home today, standing up to do her excited little happy dance for me.

Mama, I know you don't want to live with me anymore, but I wouldn't mind if you paid me a little visit sometime...;-)

"As you open your hands to release the crushing anxieties that you've been carrying, leave your hands open to receive."

D E C U M U L A T I O N I S T A

My friend, John, is a master in the craft of wordsmithery. Basically, that means he makes up words. It's clever and witty. I'm a huge fan of both. In fact, he's also the guy who coined the phrase, "Stereotyping is a real time saver," which has absolutely NOTHING to do with anything in this post, except that I love it and I want you to love it too. At first glance, it's a bit put-offish but I cannot tell you how many times that phrase has come to mind over the years when I've been (rightly) put in my place following moments of hasty pre-judgement. Ouch.

Back to the matters at hand. So, we're hoping to stick the "FOR SALE" sign back in the yard soon. In preparation, I'm spending loads of time "de-crapping" closets and such, hoping to give the illusion of "the-perfect-life-that-you-also-will-have-if-you-purchase-this-lovely-home." I do this on a fairly regular basis, to be honest, but stuff just seems to multiply. It's weird how that happens but I think it must be due to one of those crazy laws of physics, and who am I to override that? 

Recently, a Facebook friend posted this quote by organizational expert Peter Walsh: "That our homes are overwhelmed with stuff and [our] lives littered with the empty promises that the stuff didn't fulfill.... In buying what we want, we hope to acquire the life we desire.... [But] chasing the life you want by accumulating more stuff is a dead-end street." Right on, brother. And, to some extent, "I resemble that remark." It's the American way, though, isn't it?  And I do love my country so perhaps I can rationalize all those stupid impulsive purchases by insisting that I'm just being patriotic. It's what we DO here, right???


But then the problem remains: I have all this STUFF that's cluttering my house and, therefore, my brain! (Insert deep cleansing breath.) So, again following Mr. Walsh's expert advice, I divide the piles into "KEEP-SELL-TOSS (or as my dad loved to say, 'SC it!')."


And then we have the nagging issue of "responsible disposal," which leads me back to the photo posted above. My process of decumulation has left me with a pile of stuff I simply cannot, in good conscience, mindlessly toss into my local landfill. Like everyone else, I used to do it because that's all we knew. But now, with knowledge comes responsibility. So, I embark on my journey of waste-disposal-with-a-conscience, hoping to heck I can figure out what to do with this pile. Fortunately, I discovered that Goodwill accepts much of what I have pictured here, so that's easy one-stop-dumping. And now, I carry around a small bag in my car containing a few old CDs that BestBuy will take the next time I am near a store, printer cartridges for Office Depot and a light bulb that I can drop off at Lowe's or Home Depot.

I am in no way claiming to be the poster child for great purchasing habits. I am making a conscious effort to purchase in a more purposeful way, whatever the heck that means. Every little bit helps, and that's my challenge/encouragement to you. Surely, Kermit was just having a particularly bad day when he so boldly proclaimed, "it's not easy being green."


Here's your biggest takeaway from this post: Did you know that you can recycle your cardboard toilet paper and paper towel rolls? Oh yeah, baby. This discovery rocked my world. Think about the implications. "Saving the earth, one roll at a time." Aren't you glad your read all the way to the end? I am, because it took me a long time to write this, so it's the least you can do......;-)


Yes, at least, do SOMETHING....