open and closure.

 

My mama died 10 days ago. It was no surprise, really, as I've been losing pieces of her for years to Alzheimer's, the disease appropriately dubbed "the long goodbye." She lived here with us on this side of Providence for some 12 years until we could no longer care for her adequately. And without losing our own minds in the process.When we knew her passing was imminent we realized very quickly that, even with this cognitive awareness, there really is no way to be completely prepared emotionally when the time comes. We are very sad for our loss.

About a year ago I decided it was time for us to leave this house. After she moved out and we completed our beautiful remodel project, the darn thing just seemed too big. There are too many rooms and, quite honestly, I felt it had served out it's purpose to our family. Alongside the 15+ years of magical moments there lived painful memories of near nervous breakdown months and years, where I struggled to cope with my role of daughter-as-caregiver, sometimes feeling like a prisoner in my own home.

So I am letting go. The door to this home that was literally opened to us almost 16 years ago will close on the day that someone else chooses to call it their own. We will cross Providence to begin a new chapter in our brand new modern abode. Lucille loved all things new. New cars and new houses always made her happy. She didn't need fancy, but she really liked new. I can picture her reading this blog post from HER new home today, standing up to do her excited little happy dance for me.

Mama, I know you don't want to live with me anymore, but I wouldn't mind if you paid me a little visit sometime...;-)

"As you open your hands to release the crushing anxieties that you've been carrying, leave your hands open to receive."